I use to languish in the polygon of my weeping mind

I thirst for the fragments of my anguish to mold my center

I use to sulk inside myself and drink the wine of selfishness

I sunk my teeth into the dejection

I use to dwell in the camouflage and sink in my words

I swam in the black river under the oppression

I use to neglect faith and drown in the empty tear ducts

I fell into the depths of silence

I use to grieve in the awaken sadness and never sleep

I felt the last breath deceive me

I use to shed my dead skin in the morning to erase the gloomy nights

I carried a chain of misery

I use to gasp at the hollowness and gazed at the autograph

I refused to stare at the nemesis

I saw the signature and found it revolting

A transformation within shouted

Surrounded by the shrapnel

Six thousand reasons to fade

A service in your polite eyes

Ungrateful and dissatisfied

Watch me flip in rectangles for you

Continuing to give the minimum

Throwing me up against the brick

wall like a domino

As you never give me an inch

Counting the years one by one

Year 15 is the most critical one

Please read it again

I am just a provider and a dollar sign

Prove to me differently


I was in my room shattered. I thought he loved me. I saw a vision of a life with a man who turned out to be a child. Not a boy but a child who ran away because he was terrified. He was scared of the word love. It became too real. He tarnished my soul. He took something away that I can’t put my finger on. I turned off the light and crawled underneath the covers. I couldn’t close my restless eyes. My world had crumbled. How can a man touch my skin the way he did and walk away? How can a man kiss these lips and walk away? It felt like I was on a roller coaster and I was no longer going up hill. It was all down hill and could feel the crashing of the silent wind echo. Although he may have thought he had broken me but as I said I’m shattered. It translates that I can pick up the pieces and put them back. No man will ever break me that I can’t get up.

A pile of ancient bricks

stack up against the closet door

A lemon yellow sun hasn’t

heard the shrieks behind

the desolate window

Vanishing clowns snicker

in the obscure corner

Fears subside and twinkle

In the witching hour

the scarecrow yells from

the depths of childhood memories

A ministry of skeptics

preach under the queen size bed

Reciting a sacred testament

of abuse and lacerations

Sobbing whispers live behind

the wretched closet door


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I’m caught between syndromes and prescriptions. I’m slipping in the separation of loneliness and sadness. I have fallen in the hands of broken angels and laughing demons. I can feel the down pouring melancholy fill up the emptiness. I sulk in the fields of depression beside wishes and painted dreams. I’m sitting in the middle of insomnia and awakened tear drops. I watched the clown die on the inside. I stood on the outside of the circus and saw the crowd. I will always be on the outside looking in. I’m surrounded by beliefs and stuck in oppression. I’ve dug a grave in my creativity. I wear sensitivity on my sleeve. I can’t remove if I tried. I want a blanket of love that’s never been made. I seek a yearn that doesn’t exist. You will feel the craving when I’m gone. You will be on the inside finally looking in. The puzzle will be complete. I don’t belong on this earth. I want to lay beside Dylan Thomas and Allen Ginsberg. Read between the lines.

No verses can disguise

the barbwire truth

Furious on the inside

Depression settles like dust

A intact plan merges

Ignoring my needs

Methodical and analytical

Reread the chorus

Every day was an opportunity

you threw away to show me

Nothing will prepare you

for what I’m about to do….

The stench will never disappear. I sit here in agony replaying the years in my head. I stare into the pitch black and contemplating the decisions that I have made in my colorful life. I was a jester. I have discarded all the useful cards in the deck only leaving myself with only a few to hold in my tired hands. I steer away from the root. I run away from the tears that refuse to see the sun. I was the fool in believing in the word forever. You took me for granted. I took you for granted. You didn’t have the ability to own up in your own mistakes. You chose to be stagnant. I thought I was the infant in this relationship. I took my vows seriously. My heart is full of mush, layers of sensitivity, and the cream you find in the center of a donut. I wanted more. I craved depth. I took responsibility of my actions. I stumbled away shapeless seeking the truth. I am a lost soul. All I can see is a twinkling light. I will find my way out. If there is one thing I do well it’s being persistent. Nobody will tell me I can’t do something.

Exchanging blows

Trouncing the integrity

Parading with clout

Testifying with a punch

Ruthless and cold

Clobbering with animosity

Losing perspective

Gaining self worth

Sitting on a Island

without a blanket of protection

Circling apathy

with loneliness on a death bed

Persecuting myself

Questioning my beliefs

Constantly defending my being

Slowly giving up to society’s views

Disregard

the aroma of the carousel

Disregard

the unforgettable thirst

Disregard

the saturating hunger

Disregard

the mist in your tone

Disregard

the fears that dwell inside

Disregard

the yearnings you bury

Disregard

the cravings you once had

Disregard

the sarcasm in this riddle

Disregard

the awakening of the tension

I am accepting

that you continue to disregard me

Untamed and unforgettable

Ripple effect spreads like a disease

Lip licking and chomping

Like a wounded dog without a collar

Even your shadows cry

All you do is scratch

Tick tock…

Chasing traumatized winds

Clotheslined by barbwire

A feared and reckless beast

Gnawing at my insides

Even your skin is distasteful

All you do is claw

Tick tock…

Crippling my essence

Ruthless and disturbing you crawl

A relentless bitch

Foaming at the mouth

Even your tears want to run from you

All you do is manipulate

Tick tock…

You won’t know what hit you

Goodbye desolate shivers

Goodbye forgotten aches

Goodbye swallowed tears

Goodbye opaque walls

Goodbye erratic fears

Goodbye discarded pages

Goodbye to a dark clown’s frown

Goodbye to a lightless mirage

Goodbye to my lost and last words

Goodbye to the faceless sun

Goodbye meaningless friendships

Goodbye somber passions

Goodbye sensitive heart

Goodbye drowning memories

Goodbye deep blue sky

Goodbye unread poetry

Goodbye Trampled Feelings Pass

On the outside of the glass

Aphorisms ringing like a bell

Insensitivity weaves a cobweb

Vulnerability trapped in a

medical syringe

Harshness spoken with a sterile

and violent tongue

Commanding and demanding

Blatant and in bright lights

Waterworks flowing like a creek

Hearts awaken and cringe

An awkward silence creeps

Hoping love seeps through the cracks

seeking a mysterious ocean

Furious waves are dying. The gentleman in me is fading like a light. You carve out the tension and slowly I am denied. The more you take the less of me you receive.

You are not who you advertised. I remain calm as I construct a devious plan. I hold the wind in my hand. I have a defense. I made sure the world knows. Apocalyptic and cryptic I will speak. Repeating my words is not a option.

You use the word love but don’t show it. You use words you don’t express. The storm in this jungle has elevated to a hurricane. Patience is running thin. You love the image. You love the facade. You don’t love me. Say it. Admit it.

Beneath the clutter

and the discolored anxiety

the war between us continues

Engulfed by the

fractured promises

Gobbled up by the

untamed distance

Dwelling in the dusk

crawling through the

dark wild

Regurgitated phrases

of shades of love

Acknowledging the

hardened suffering

Stomaching the

patronizing goodbyes

Inhaling your desolate

and sinister perfume

Sucking and gulping

your mocking remarks

Withstanding your

arrogance and malicious core

Underneath the deceased

your stigma withers

I will never forget the day I moved back home . I will never forget the sentence that broke my heart. “You will never set the world on fire.” The chip on my shoulder just became bigger. Perhaps he is just a realist. Perhaps he saw his son average. I’m not saying he didn’t know how to love and care. I’m not saying he was a bad father but I would NEVER tell that to my son.

Little boy the message here is that you can be what you want to be. You are going to make choices I probably won’t agree with at the moment but the belief in you won’t disappear. I want to do something that my father didn’t do, just understand you. Please don’t be afraid to open up. I don’t want to be a critical spirit like him and put your thoughts under a microscope. Your father is a writer at heart and doesn’t have support from those who I thought would support. I stand alone. You will never stand alone.

Ribs shook

Teeth chattered

A swig of Alligator Juice

Testing intestinal fortitude

Crying Esophagus

Liquid to soothe the deserted soul

Reviving the hostile lungs

Defining the edges and nerves

Overtaken by the emptiness

As he fills his stomach

with acidic Alligator Juice

Crinkled stars

Above all the broken hearts

Lost in direction

Hope is found

On the frozen ground

Losing its affection

The pieces are missing

Dandelions are kissing

My world is aching

I want what she has

I want it just as bad

I want something breathtaking

Could you play a melody

and add another verse

Could you play a guitar

to remove all the hurt

Pouring down overused mentalities

Change fumbling around

Pulling four quarters to insert

in the old fashioned jukebox

Numbers exchanged between

the mentalist and the statue

Between the shot glass

and the pint of a Irish stout

Scattered observations are slurred

Tip toeing through the cigar vapors

and the barking stilettos

Polluted with aggravation’s

and lipstick smudges on the glass

Empty barstools are playing violins

Loneliness waits for no one

Be careful where you drown

your heartache and sorrows

Look up at the glaring neon sign

The Bottomless crutch