Sunless Soliloquy

The stench will never disappear. I sit here in agony replaying the years in my head. I stare into the pitch black and contemplating the decisions that I have made in my colorful life. I was a jester. I have discarded all the useful cards in the deck only leaving myself with only a few to hold in my tired hands. I steer away from the root. I run away from the tears that refuse to see the sun. I was the fool in believing in the word forever. You took me for granted. I took you for granted. You didn’t have the ability to own up in your own mistakes. You chose to be stagnant. I thought I was the infant in this relationship. I took my vows seriously. My heart is full of mush, layers of sensitivity, and the cream you find in the center of a donut. I wanted more. I craved depth. I took responsibility of my actions. I stumbled away shapeless seeking the truth. I am a lost soul. All I can see is a twinkling light. I will find my way out. If there is one thing I do well it’s being persistent. Nobody will tell me I can’t do something.

17 Comments

  1. “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,”
    ‭‭Luke‬ ‭4:18‬ ‭KJV‬‬

    “For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.”
    ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭25:4‬ ‭KJV‬‬

    Pray, and may God bless you with the fullness of his Shalom. Amen

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Damn. “Replaying the years in my head,” don’t I know it. You nailed this. Looking back, where did I go wrong, where did you go wrong, was it something we missed? Could it have been made right? Was hope lost before it was even started? “Stagnant” yes, exactly. Maybe it could have worked out, maybe it could have been glorious, but stagnation creeps in, takes over, like ivy on the wall slowly covering over the windows, choking out all life and light.

    Liked by 1 person

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