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I was in my room shattered. I thought he loved me. I saw a vision of a life with a man who turned out to be a child. Not a boy but a child who ran away because he was terrified. He was scared of the word love. It became too real. He tarnished my soul. He took something away that I can’t put my finger on. I turned off the light and crawled underneath the covers. I couldn’t close my restless eyes. My world had crumbled. How can a man touch my skin the way he did and walk away? How can a man kiss these lips and walk away? It felt like I was on a roller coaster and I was no longer going up hill. It was all down hill and could feel the crashing of the silent wind echo. Although he may have thought he had broken me but as I said I’m shattered. It translates that I can pick up the pieces and put them back. No man will ever break me that I can’t get up.

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She is a cloud of rage

She is a walking catastrophe

She is a laughing queef

She is a raging monster

She is a broken beast

She is a heartless pig

She is a disgusting human

She is a pile of excrement

She is a bleeding organ

She is a ignorant pissant

*Lou wanted me to use this word as a title of a poem. I will admit this was a challenge. I had to think a few days on how to use it.

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A pile of ancient bricks

stack up against the closet door

A lemon yellow sun hasn’t

heard the shrieks behind

the desolate window

Vanishing clowns snicker

in the obscure corner

Fears subside and twinkle

In the witching hour

the scarecrow yells from

the depths of childhood memories

A ministry of skeptics

preach under the queen size bed

Reciting a sacred testament

of abuse and lacerations

Sobbing whispers live behind

the wretched closet door

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Gasping for grasping

At the end of the line

Spinning circles

At the end of the rope

Hearing not listening

At the end of the illusion

Unadaptable and difficult

At the end of the mirage

Impenetrable and brick

At the end of the delusion

Sucked in a vicious cycle

At the end of the fabrications

Never ending spiral

by on

I’m caught between syndromes and prescriptions. I’m slipping in the separation of loneliness and sadness. I have fallen in the hands of broken angels and laughing demons. I can feel the down pouring melancholy fill up the emptiness. I sulk in the fields of depression beside wishes and painted dreams. I’m sitting in the middle of insomnia and awakened tear drops. I watched the clown die on the inside. I stood on the outside of the circus and saw the crowd. I will always be on the outside looking in. I’m surrounded by beliefs and stuck in oppression. I’ve dug a grave in my creativity. I wear sensitivity on my sleeve. I can’t remove if I tried. I want a blanket of love that’s never been made. I seek a yearn that doesn’t exist. You will feel the craving when I’m gone. You will be on the inside finally looking in. The puzzle will be complete. I don’t belong on this earth. I want to lay beside Dylan Thomas and Allen Ginsberg. Read between the lines.

by on

No verses can disguise

the barbwire truth

Furious on the inside

Depression settles like dust

A intact plan merges

Ignoring my needs

Methodical and analytical

Reread the chorus

Every day was an opportunity

you threw away to show me

Nothing will prepare you

for what I’m about to do….

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Exchanging blows

Trouncing the integrity

Parading with clout

Testifying with a punch

Ruthless and cold

Clobbering with animosity

Losing perspective

Gaining self worth

Sitting on a Island

without a blanket of protection

Circling apathy

with loneliness on a death bed

Persecuting myself

Questioning my beliefs

Constantly defending my being

Slowly giving up to society’s views

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I fear the oceans water

I dread the depth

I look away from the oceans water

I can’t see the bottom

I hide from the oceans water

I detest the slippery feel

I stand miles away from the oceans water

I hate what it represents

I despise the oceans water

I refuse to embrace it

I run from the oceans water

I know the harm and danger

by on

Beneath your gruesome

and lecherous center

slowly moves cockroaches

between your intestines

Cobwebs growing at a

miraculous rate between

your tarantula skull

The vein of the copperhead

wraps around your

slippery greedy heart

Nerves of glue are stuck

to your vindictive skin

Knowing you will burn

in Hell forevermore

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Disregard

the aroma of the carousel

Disregard

the unforgettable thirst

Disregard

the saturating hunger

Disregard

the mist in your tone

Disregard

the fears that dwell inside

Disregard

the yearnings you bury

Disregard

the cravings you once had

Disregard

the sarcasm in this riddle

Disregard

the awakening of the tension

I am accepting

that you continue to disregard me

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Untamed and unforgettable

Ripple effect spreads like a disease

Lip licking and chomping

Like a wounded dog without a collar

Even your shadows cry

All you do is scratch

Tick tock…

Chasing traumatized winds

Clotheslined by barbwire

A feared and reckless beast

Gnawing at my insides

Even your skin is distasteful

All you do is claw

Tick tock…

Crippling my essence

Ruthless and disturbing you crawl

A relentless bitch

Foaming at the mouth

Even your tears want to run from you

All you do is manipulate

Tick tock…

You won’t know what hit you

by on

Goodbye desolate shivers

Goodbye forgotten aches

Goodbye swallowed tears

Goodbye opaque walls

Goodbye erratic fears

Goodbye discarded pages

Goodbye to a dark clown’s frown

Goodbye to a lightless mirage

Goodbye to my lost and last words

Goodbye to the faceless sun

Goodbye meaningless friendships

Goodbye somber passions

Goodbye sensitive heart

Goodbye drowning memories

Goodbye deep blue sky

Goodbye unread poetry

Goodbye Trampled Feelings Pass

by on

Tense and rigid

An arctic dialogue

Indifferent and standoffish

Words thrown like darts

Sticking like super glue

Toxic and demoralizing

Like talking to a brick wall

Hateful and unemotional

Unraveling the anger

Removing myself

Wasting energy on you

Walking away

from your rigamortis breath

by on

Furious waves are dying. The gentleman in me is fading like a light. You carve out the tension and slowly I am denied. The more you take the less of me you receive.

You are not who you advertised. I remain calm as I construct a devious plan. I hold the wind in my hand. I have a defense. I made sure the world knows. Apocalyptic and cryptic I will speak. Repeating my words is not a option.

You use the word love but don’t show it. You use words you don’t express. The storm in this jungle has elevated to a hurricane. Patience is running thin. You love the image. You love the facade. You don’t love me. Say it. Admit it.

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Beneath the clutter

and the discolored anxiety

the war between us continues

Engulfed by the

fractured promises

Gobbled up by the

untamed distance

Dwelling in the dusk

crawling through the

dark wild

Regurgitated phrases

of shades of love

Acknowledging the

hardened suffering

Stomaching the

patronizing goodbyes

Inhaling your desolate

and sinister perfume

Sucking and gulping

your mocking remarks

Withstanding your

arrogance and malicious core

Underneath the deceased

your stigma withers

by on

Ribs shook

Teeth chattered

A swig of Alligator Juice

Testing intestinal fortitude

Crying Esophagus

Liquid to soothe the deserted soul

Reviving the hostile lungs

Defining the edges and nerves

Overtaken by the emptiness

As he fills his stomach

with acidic Alligator Juice

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You want but don’t ask

You need but don’t say a word

You expect but bite your tongue

You bitch but you don’t speak

You sigh but you don’t voice

You assume but aren’t direct

You strut but don’t walk

You scream but don’t converse

You talk down to than at

You just don’t get it

You are inside yourself

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I’m so fucking mad

About the day I had

She wasn’t glad

That I kissed Chad

I’m so freaking upset

About what I didn’t get

She was part of the bet

By Monday she will forget

I’m so undesirably distraught

About the day I lost

She was happy I got caught

My feelings can’t be bought

I’m so damn pissed

About the day I missed

She was in the A list

By the weekend I cut my wrist

by on

Don’t patronize

Don’t need your wild skies

Don’t want your rabid lies

Don’t wear that disguise

Just say goodbye

Don’t empathize

Don’t need your vibes

Don’t want your shoe size

Don’t sleep open wide

Just say goodbye

Don’t advise

Don’t need your old surprise

Don’t want your supplies

Don’t discard the gold prize

Just say goodbye

Don’t downsize

Don’t want your grey butterflies

Don’t need your mind baptized

Don’t reject the wise

Just say goodbye