Didi Oviatt

“Can I help you ma’am?”  His smile rang friendly.

“Hi, yes.” She hesitated, “My name is Autumn. I’m renting an apartment here. I’m sorry to bother you so late.”  She straightened her wrinkly top and fiddled with a gnawed off thumbnail before saying, “I’m just arriving, and I was wondering if you know of anyone that I could pay to help me unpack?”

“Oh, hey, yes, I heard about you!”  His handsome smile grew causing his ears to lift, and a cute little crease to form just below the right cheekbone. “Apt 22 right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Howdy then, ma’am, I’m Jeremy.”

It was a very informal introduction yet he insisted on shaking her hand. His palm was big and his fingers were slightly calloused. A heavy free hand slapped her on the shoulder causing her entire body to jolt. He seemed like a very outgoing young man. A few…

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Writing with a light shade of pink

Paragraphs of wit and charm

Hallucinations of bitter love

Caught up in unknown webs

Burying summer flings and

hypnotic one night stands

Self inflicted wounds never sewn

The bookmark never leaves

this etched and engraved page

It’s the single page that altered

her perception of love and self

You gave me

a ray of sunshine to view humanity

You gave me

the glue to put my shell together

You gave me

a hand to hold the weight on my shoulders

You gave me

dripping sincerity and truth

You gave me

the candle to hold the endangered flame

You gave me

a sense of puzzling wonder

You gave me

a band aid to disguise the pain

You gave me

a cold cloth to cleanse the self worth

As I grabbed the notebook I cried hard. Words poured out:

Dear God,

I am suppose to believe in you. You took my Dad and I’m very mad at you. I don’t understand and why won’t Nathan cry? What is wrong with him? How could you do this to my mother? Is it possible for you to provide me answers soon?

As I was writing this my mom yelled up.

“Allie is at the door.”

I threw down the pen and wiped my tears. I went downstairs to let Allie in. She said my mom called her mom to tell her the news. I could tell she didn’t know what to say.

“Are you going to school tomorrow?”

“No I’m not going but will go sometime this week. My mom said there was lots to do. I don’t know what she wants me to do.”

“Did she tell you next weekend you and Nathan are staying with us?”

“No she didn’t.”

“It will be fun.”

“Allie Do you believe in God?”

“Yeah I do.”

“Why would God take my Dad?”

Allie just stared at me for a moment.

“I don’t know. I can’t really answer that. Is your notebook full yet? You said you would write something every day.”

“It’s almost full. I wrote something today.”

“What did you write today?”

“Today I wrote a letter to God. I’m hoping he will get it soon and write back.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well at church we are told to believe in him. I don’t think he gets mail in heaven. He doesn’t wait for mail. My mom always says things happen for a reason.”

“So are you saying God took my Dad for a reason?”

“I don’t think it’s that easy to explain Ben. He didn’t take him to cut grass in heaven.”

I didn’t understand what Allie was trying to say.

Stella

Stuck in your slimy trail

Stumbling I my own broken dream

In a trance of treachery

Fraud flung like 52 card pickup

Double and triple and quadruple dealing fuckery

Your cunning and manipulative nature is driven by great ignorance

This trail is a prison in your superstar circus

This splinter in your minds eye is festering

And boiling into a third eye

A star stapled to my breast

Fantastic ruses in spectacular motion

Successful subterfuge bravo bravo

Its all appreciated

Thank you thank you

I’ll add it to my many scars

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A few months had passed and everything appeared to be normal until a early Sunday morning. I woke up to the sound of my mother crying. I laid there in bed and it sounded like she was on the phone. It was barely seven in the morning and Nathan was passed out cold. I never heard her cry like that. It made me nervous. It was then that I saw the knob turn on my door and saw my mother wiping her tears away. I closed my eyes immediately and she sat on the bed. She placed her hand on my face and softly said my name. I opened them up and my mom was frozen.

“Ben I have some bad news.”

She stopped right there. She struggled to continue crying. It struck a nerve in my ten year old body. I could see she was in so much pain emotionally. I could see it at the age of ten. I begin to cry and felt my world was about to change in a drastic way.

“Ben your father was in a car accident and he didn’t make it.

I sobbed just as much as my mother. Nathan was still sound asleep. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How am I suppose to go on without my Dad? I was so mad. I was so angry inside. I sat up and hugged my mom for life. It was hard to believe that I would never see my father. My mom left the room to make us breakfast and I had to tell my brother. I woke him up and told him. He didn’t cry, he just looked at me.

“So Dad won’t ever come home?”

“No.”

“He was going to fix my bike. Ben who is going to fix it?”

I didn’t have an answer for him and was confused that he didn’t show any emotion. Our Dad isn’t here and all he could do is think about his bike. I didn’t get it. How can he not show any emotion?

It was a gloomy Sunday. My mom called everyone she knew to tell them. She was in tears all day on the phone. I walked around my house imagining my Dad not being here in the house anymore. No more playing football. No more car rides. No more wrestling. Something came over me as I walked around my house. I ran to my room and grabbed that notebook.

(1st Verse)

You can scream at the top of your lungs,
You can curse my name a million times.
Nothing you will ever say will undo what is already done,
So tell me why we can’t put this all behind?
Take a sip of courage and swallow that pill of redemption.
Everything I do, everything I say, doesn’t seem to get your attention.

Chorus:

You can shake your head,
Let your face get all red,
Call me every name in the book.
You can run the other way,
With very little to say,
And just let me off the hook.
Either way it’s breaking us apart,
You don’t seem to care to leave tears in the dark.

(2nd Verse)

You can bitch up a storm about all the small things,
You can dig that knife deep in my back.
You seem to know how to make that burn sting,
You seem to drift into the shadows of the past.
Take a sip of courage and swallow that pill of redemption.
Everything I do, everything I say, doesn’t seem to get your attention.

Bridge:

You know it’s time to move on when your words don’t mean a damn,
You know it’s time to move on when I can see you don’t love me for who I am.
You know it’s time to move on when all you do is cry,
You know it’s time to move on when there is nothing left inside.

Chorus:

You can shake your head,
Let your face get all red,
Call me every name in the book.
You can run the other way,
With very little to say,
And just let me off the hook.
Either way it’s breaking us apart,
You don’t seem to care to leave tears in the dark.

Unsettling analytics

Dispersed integers

Abrupt and chilling data

Between facts and information

Controlling emotions

Stepping on to Overthink drive

Distinct calculations

Business minds open

Fearful of making the “wrong”

and fateful decisions

Staring into Venn Diagrams

and Ghant charts

Sleeping beside project management

and waking up to “planning”

Spontaneity is two streets over

On this road it must be on a calendar

Crawling like a snail

Watching the hour glass

Staring at paint dry

on the curbside

Playing in the sandbox

Mesmerized by the fallen

rainbows and stardust

Absorbing every minute

Not one second is rushed

Pixels illuminate

Enhanced motions

Days inhaling weeks

Weeks serenading months

Smiling leaves dance

Rivers singing in harmony

Families at dinner tables

Time is a speck

Life is fully embraced

****

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