Grappling with a toxic incubus Static tangled up in hallucinations A diabolical perpetrator is lurking Dabbling with molecules and carbons And I sleep with annihilation
Memorizing the periodic table of elements Sinister mind combining mercury and lead A splash of chromium, pinch of caesium Blending a explosion in a wicked bottle And I sleep with obliteration
Ensuring a plague like disease spreads wide A blackhearted voice speaks with a chuckle Corrupted hands, apocalyptic intentions Selfishness wrapping around throats And I sleep with termination
Belligerent critters stalking the lands Referencing the last chapter of the divine Symbolic torture rest within the dollars Greed softens up the lips and tongue And I sleep with eradication
A clash of reasons, brawl between sins Fears sobbing until the break of dawn Scent of misery swarmed the dirt End of virtues, end of light And I sleep with a contagious virus
I’ve been cauterized by my figment of my bleary imagination I’ve overlooked the obscurity dripping in the marrow of my bones I’m reminded of my thin sensibilities drifting in a whirl my memories weep in the photograph of Black-Eyed Susans in the vase next to the grin of my brave mother
Thank you for the encouragement Thank you for the warmth Thank you for walking with me in the dark Thank you for the light you gave your grandson
I’ve been sobbing at the gravesite with a four leaf clover clenched in my hand I’ve heard the growl within the pieces of my shattered heart I’ve stared into the loss and the pins sticking in my sensitive nerves my memories weep in the photograph of Black-Eyed Susans in the vase next to the grin of my brave mother
Thank you for the joy Thank you for the unconditional love Thank you for your never ending presence Thank you for the smile you gave your grandson
And I tumbled for the architecture of the cathedrals across the United States, And the bricklayers who cemented spirituality but shouted from rooftops at the turtle pace of change among all the religions And I found the backbone of faith and hope relies on the individuals silver wisdom “Experience” breaks or defines conviction And loyalty just doesn’t reside in a chapel I pray for the dying in my queen size bed blending creed and politics is a toxic brew And I cherished the artistic expressions on the tarp, I was once fond of the textures of our melting pot, I could taste the spices and the tranquility, I use to take walks in the garden of glee and feel the gust
But now the commander in chief raises his disturbing hands, disrespecting our ancestors, crippling the population, And the sun bursts through the smog with fury, the outbreak surges in the wind
The note is rejected… “embrace all the materialism, self righteous possessions, gold and glitter, let the poison eat your soul, feel the edges of your heart burn, you prioritized your choices, the angels left you a long time ago”
I can’t weep for the wicked and vicious I can’t weep for the manipulating tycoon I can’t weep for the shallow ministry I can’t weep for the blatant facade I can’t weep for the glowing charades I can’t weep for the brazen frontage I can’t weep for the vibrant myths I can’t weep for the singing deception
And the chill in the air reeks of self indulgence insects crawling on infectious patriarchs but numb from the riddles of greed spewing a language of hatred and fear And tearing into the poverty stricken class gazing out into the seas of madness And the wrecking machine, mechanisms, and the machinery used to oversee the mass It’s the weapon and invisible bomb slithering inside every human nervous system You cry out safety and protection, misleading from your glass throne, step by step you are entering your exodus, your skin is exiled but your veins are hollow, calling yourself a leader, rushing to dismantle and depopulate And the pieces of the massacre lies within you
But now the commander in chief raises his disturbing hands, disrespecting our ancestors, crippling the population, And the sun bursts through the smog with fury, the outbreak surges in the wind
The note is rejected… “embrace all the materialism, self righteous possessions, gold and glitter, let the poison eat your soul, feel the edges of your heart burn, you prioritized your choices, the angels left you a long time ago”
I can weep for the innocent I can weep for the fighters and warriors I can weep for the fearless soldiers I can weep for the sobbing children I can weep for the unheard prayers I can weep for the melody I never heard I can weep for the deserving souls I can weep for the fathers and mothers
And the sun will forever moan behind the clouds And technology will continue to evolve And God will remain quiet until the day he returns He will leave the soulless the keys to the inferno
(1st Verse) I’m an exhausted lover on the inside A part of me just needs a friend I need something that I can truly feel There is a part of me that can no longer pretend I need someone that can care and not just take I need someone that can’t be fake
CHORUS: I’m tired of building shit on quicksand I’m tired of treading water, can you reach out your hand I’m tired of falling and hitting face first into the ground I’m tired of screaming on the inside where no one can hear a sound And you know who you are Just like me, I’m crying within these invisible scars
(2nd Verse) I’m a broken man who needs some understanding A part of me needs someone like myself I need something that I know is real There is a part of me that can admit needs some help I need someone that can care and can give I need someone that knows how to live
CHORUS
And I can hear those words loud and clear And I know deep inside you have the same fears And you know who you are And I can feel the doubt and danger And I know we are distant strangers And you know who you are And I’m writing verses with you in my head And I’m like you, lonely in this bed And you know who you are
I didn’t advertise this and I should have when I released this book, the majority of poems are personal. This collection was written over a long period of time. Through out my life I’ve used writing poetry as an outlet because I had no one to turn to. My mother passed away at a young age, 48, due to health issues. I grew up watching her being sick but take it like a champion. She was one of the first people to have had a liver transplant. Due to medicine, the medicine at the present time killed her kidneys. Because of this, I struggle with intimacy in many ways. My father was an alcoholic and in my twenties I married one. In my thirties I had outgrown my ex wife and wanted more in life as she digressed. She made the choice to say she didn’t have a problem when she did. Long story short, she killed herself after our divorce and left her daughter behind. I can admit I was not a perfect husband, I did some things I shouldn’t have done.
I went back to school to improve myself while trying to work. During that time, I met the woman I eventually married – a strong but vibrant woman. I fell in love with her ocean blue eyes and her gentle spirit. She works in the medical field to save lives and commend her for that. I now have a four year old son that looks up to me and strive to be a better person.
I want my writing to serve several purposes. I want people to look inward and identity their own destructive patterns that prevent them from any form of growth. Perhaps if you can recognize them, you can see them in others. I think most answers that we seek are within ourselves. We do need help from time time, but essentially it starts with being honest with yourself. But we struggle to look at ourselves because it’s hard.
Although I’ve started out writing from a personal place, I trained myself to write from different perspectives by observing humanity. I’ve also learned to write just for fun, for me, and to challenge myself to approach the writing process from a technical stand point.
I often use humor and sometimes am inappropriate at times because I don’t want people to know the real me because the real fear is that they will leave me. Making and maintaining friendships is a challenge. I don’t have any male friends that I do things with and to some degree I am ok with it for various reasons. I go by the motto “a pen and a piece of paper won’t leave me like people.”
I am a work in progress like everyone else. Today was the day I felt the need to share my a part of my story.
I took vows to be mistaken and unwanted I took vows to be just a carcass I took vows to feel the treacherous winds I took vows to someone that is clueless I took vows to someone that can’t read between the lines I took vows to feel the written script I took vows to someone that can’t hear my words I took vows to talk to myself I took vows to someone that just doesn’t listen I took vows to someone that does the bare minimum I took vows to be a shadow and a check book I took vows when I was someone else I took vows to be a trash can I took vows to someone that refuses to evolve I took vows to feel something because it was better than nothing
(1st Verse) I’ve got butterflies in verses dreams waiting patiently in the dark I’ve got the saxophone playing on the curb whispers breathing in my heart I’ve got solitude sitting in the corner fears waiting out in the cold I’ve got memories standing on the hill But I’ve got love dancing in my soul
Chorus: Endless pages, ballerinas gliding on a summers day Endless pages, magicians and thieves walking in the circus parade Endless pages, the wind twisting in your sparkling eyes Endless pages, filled with autumns truth and winter lies In in the end, together we will be singing a lullaby
(2nd Verse) I’ve got dragonflies in my paragraphs stanzas with lightning and thunder I’ve got violins in my bittersweet symphony clouds disappear in my sense of wonder I’ve got rage bleeding between the lines insomnia running down an awaken road I’ve got sunflowers smiling in the shade But I’ve got love dancing in my soul
CHORUS:
Bridge: I’ve seen tenderness in the eyes of a child I’ve seen affection in your precious smile I’ve seen warmth in an old poor man I’ve seen angels on earth in God’s plans I’ve seen blessings in all of life’s stages I’ve seen divine circles on my endless pages
No, I couldn’t stand in your resonance and your mind numbing negligence No, I refused to be your noxious scapegoat and omission in your dangerous eyes No, I wouldn’t be a remainder in your lopsided mistake
“Hush hush, nothing will save you” Yes, I thought I was rescued from my haunting past Yes, I thought this residence was permanently carved
No, I dismissed the fatal request but still felt the jagged nail in my back No, I denied you satisfaction and drifted in an awkward disposition No, I fell in your discrimination and felt blackballed from the very second
“Hush hush, nothing will save you” Yes, I thought I was found until I realized the pieces were scattered Yes, I thought this residence was secure and guarded
No, I destroyed the walls you built with your reckless hands No, I stumbled into your humiliation with anxiety stuck to my skin No, I cried until my rage leaked from my mouth
“Hush hush, nothing will save you” Yes, I thought I discovered love in a colorless dream Yes, I thought I found peace when in reality all I heard were silent screams
Invincible Verses 