I never saw

the heart strings you pulled

I never saw

the lies you borrowed

I never saw

the bedroom disguise

I never saw

the contamination

I never saw

your buried intentions

I never saw

the light on the center stage

I never saw

the script you wrote

I never saw

the truth revealed

I never saw

love drip from your lips

I never saw

this moment ever arriving

I never saw

you imagining you could walk away

I never saw

you so terrified and scared

I never saw

you using me

Strolling down

Bleeding Havoc Lane

Counting the

shattered porch lights

Awakened by the

mountains of trash

Recognizing the last

names on the mail boxes

Falling aluminum siding

Mesmerized by the

paint chips

Boarded up windows

Awkward silence

Desolate skeletons

in the mourning closets

Tortured furniture

is howling at midnight

Roots below the ground

remain pessimistic

Only whiskey pours

from the ancient faucets

Slowly I pull up to the

street sign

Eyeing up the tape covering

the name

Tearing it off like it’s a sore

underneath

Burnt Memories displayed

Spastic clutter

Opening up a can of debris

Mixed up predicaments

A compilation of distress

Walking into turmoil

Gazing at a eyesore

A mayhem of selfishness

Mishmash of ideals

Seeking light in the wreckage

Tripping on hindrances

Overlooking headaches

Disoriented from the gospel

Ignoring the theorems

Forever searching the self

I’m a wounded prize,
Laced up in bitterness.
I’m a lethal injection,
Trapped in a empty bottle.
I’m a bullet from a war,
Only shot through my veins.
I’m a discarded black heart
Only seen in the shadows.
I’m the venom from the rattlesnake
Only to swallow with salt.
I’m a chill on my own spine
Only to stop from being numb.

Choking on self served dirt

Prancing in your delicate castle

Bantering with the jester

High regards as a princess

Pointing at the fabric

stonewashed character

Keep sipping on your ideals

Seeking hidden agendas

Removing the plastic

Only glancing not seeing

Interpretations of nothing

Creating a plate of something

Keeping sipping the cup of dirt

In this reflective light I couldn’t see your enigma

In this reflective light I couldn’t see your

dark wild

And the bricks stack up

In this reflective light I couldn’t see your

shades of gloom

In this reflective light I couldn’t see your

leaves twist in your tiring wind

And the bricks stack up higher

In this reflective light I couldn’t see your

blinding aggravation

In this reflective light I couldn’t see your

scorching tragedy

And the bricks surround me

I could feel you tiptoe around the bitter conversation.
I breathe in your narcissism.
I juggle your perfectionism and wind of chaos.
I could feel you dig your nails into my flesh.
I am starving for your disappearance.
I balance your chameleon charm and mirrors.
I could feel you drag your feet toward the open door.
I am constantly tasting your immaturity.
I adjust to your outbursts and drama.
I could feel you slipping through my fingertips.
I swallow the pill easily knowing you are no longer here.

I fell in love

with a broken soul

I fell in love

with her sunrise and sunset

I fell in love

with her wild animation

I fell in love

with her wick and poison

I fell in love

with her sharp blade

I fell in love

with her sensuous magic

I fell in love

with her burnt threshold

I fell in love

with her over the top style

I fell in love

with her distorted image

I fell in love

with her scrapes and bruises

I fell in love

with her brightness and mind

I fell in love

with her alluring voice

But her words destroyed me

and left me in emptiness

on Cabrillo Avenue

Should I care enough

to acknowledge your existence

Do I care enough

to reply back to your nonsense

Should I care enough

to slap that grin off your devious face

Do I care enough

to raise my palm toward an empty man

Should I care enough

to not leave you penniless

Do I care enough

to take you to court

Should I care enough

to walk away from you

Do I care enough

about myself to make a decision

Should I care enough

about myself to leave you

*Marie had asked me to use this title for a poem.

****

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So much anger

So much bottled

So much frustration

So much repeating

So much carelessness

So much distance

So much ignoring

So much venom

So much contained

So much lost

So much wasted

So much avoiding

So much gone

So much feared

So much vile

So much excrement

So much confusion

So much

I can’t tell

If I’m lost

or if I’m just not found

I can’t tell

If I’m confused

or if I’m in a fog

I can’t tell

If I’m the enigma

or if I’m missing pieces

I can’t tell

If I’m scared of myself

or just want to be hidden

I can’t tell

If I’m in a movie

or my reality is dramatic

I can’t tell

if I’m an introvert

or I just enjoy being alone

I can’t tell

if I want to live

or if I’m content being alive

I’m a blurry train wreck
I’m the bottom of a pit
I’m the black ice in the winter
I’m the darkest rain cloud
I’m the sting from the bee
I’m a fading car crash
I’m the dust on the ground
I’m the tears in my lonely eyes
I’m a distant social disease
I’m the monster under my bed
I’m the skeleton in my closet
I’m the spider creating my own web
I’m the tarantula in the desert
I’m the demon in my soul

I scratched my itch

I packed my bags

I didn’t laugh

I couldn’t say a word

They were already said

I held in the jungle

I swallowed my confusion

I didn’t see the condition

I couldn’t see the barriers

They were already built

I walked away from the illusion

I quietly closed the door

I saw a new found path

They were always there

I just ignored them

****

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Your deepest scars

don’t define who you are

Your deepest scars

walk away from the sunset

Your deepest scars

don’t stare into the light

Your deepest scars

hide behind the plum tree

Your deepest scars

don’t scream at the rage

Your deepest scars

have burnt everlasting edges

Your deepest scars

don’t speak in front of millions

Your deepest scars

never fade in the chapter

Your deepest scars

don’t disappear in the journey

Your deepest scars

shape your colorful soul

Your deepest scars

make you gorgeous

Clarity settles around my ankles

Shackles tightly circling my wrists

A opaque warrant for the end

In arial font harshly awakens

crawling dismembered spiders

around my distant coffin

No eulogy or words will be spoken

Just an empty room of formalities

Guests sitting out of obligation

As time passes as I’m alive

Leave me in the closet with

the laughing faded skeleton

Playing chess with my demons

No tears for the desolate child within

Walk away from my numb ghost

Shaking hands with apathy

Disheartened by those who make

false claims and promises

Leave me abandoned in the dusk

****

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You gave me

a ray of sunshine to view humanity

You gave me

the glue to put my shell together

You gave me

a hand to hold the weight on my shoulders

You gave me

dripping sincerity and truth

You gave me

the candle to hold the endangered flame

You gave me

a sense of puzzling wonder

You gave me

a band aid to disguise the pain

You gave me

a cold cloth to cleanse the self worth