Emotionally deficient

Unavailable hands

She leaves me cold

One teardrop

Blank stares piercing

Nonexistent affection

She leaves me confused

Two teardrops

Ignoring casualties

Split and deceased

She leaves me in distress

Three teardrops

Dissolved current

Withdrawn shadow

She leaves me without a trace

Four teardrops

Absent and eliminated

Misplaced words

She leaves without a sound

Inside forever it rains


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Stumbling into a fuzzy

and sanitized brainstorm

Watching the fury

leave stains where the mime

inside placed his hands

on the four by four box

Chatter dissolves

Blood clots stricken

Nonstop convulsions

A falling stigma is spread

like dust on the tricks

of my broken down mind

Fears wallow

Doubt hangs like tree branches

in a distraught hurricane

Analytics in bold

Emotions shredded

Wiping away the dirt from

my cynical and distant eyes

Leaving the mime inside

cry like a new born baby

Constantly misunderstood

A misguided circus fumbling

through the fog

A part of me is the feather

of a soaring bird

Never falling to the ground

without direction

Grasping the words of the prayer

Sent to God from a letter

Please save the mime


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Disappointed by your black and white view

Disappointed by the colorless verbiage

And you continue to speak

Disappointed by your cliches and metaphors

Disappointed by the reruns played in your head

And you continue to speak

Disappointed by your anxious stance

Disappointed by the ignorance displayed

And you continue to speak

Disappointed by your choices of phrases

Disappointed by the all about me attitude

And you continue to speak

Leave me a pile of scrutiny

Leave me a bag of aggravation

And I will toss it in the dying closet

Leave me a tiny bit of solitude

Leave me an ounce of spoiled milk

And I will throw it in the empty pantry

Leave me a gallon of spiked juice

Leave me a shred of laughter

And I will painfully swallow the bits

Leave me a bottle of shadows

Leave me a jug of sarcasm

And I will watch myself drown

Leave me a tank of affliction

Leave me a plate of dirty lies

And I will break another mirror

Leave me a pair of worn out glasses

Leave me a little bit of rust

And I will never see my heart ache

Chopped up dialogue

Interpretations of saturation

Absorbed by lost brain waves

Unfolding by a misunderstanding

Swallowing mashed up berries

Filling heartache with sand

Surrounding it with ten pound cement

Reminiscing the foolishness

Blaming the scavengers

Walking down Cheap Wine Avenue

like a stray dog in an empty storm

Plagued with expectations

Relentlessly undressing the wounds

Baring the char broiled soul

Washing the spots of hands

Praying to turn to the left

to see the state of peace lane

I’m disappointed in myself as usual

I’m disappointed to reach for something I can not feel

I’m disappointed with my voice of truth

I’m disappointed in my ignorant silence

I’m disappointed with my points of view

I’m disappointed with my deceptive mind

I’m disappointed in the fool I can’t see

I’m disappointed that I couldn’t feel the needles puncture my skin

I use to languish in the polygon of my weeping mind

I thirst for the fragments of my anguish to mold my center

I use to sulk inside myself and drink the wine of selfishness

I sunk my teeth into the dejection

I use to dwell in the camouflage and sink in my words

I swam in the black river under the oppression

I use to neglect faith and drown in the empty tear ducts

I fell into the depths of silence

I use to grieve in the awaken sadness and never sleep

I felt the last breath deceive me

I use to shed my dead skin in the morning to erase the gloomy nights

I carried a chain of misery

I use to gasp at the hollowness and gazed at the autograph

I refused to stare at the nemesis

I saw the signature and found it revolting

A transformation within shouted

I’ve resided in the fallen darkness. I’ve stared at the glass of redemption and feel it’s fragility. I’ve walked among the ruins and recognize a distorted mirror. I’ve tied myself to the script. I’ve seen the chameleons slither around my woven sun. I’ve sat on the branches and saw the sand I could not feel. I’ve reveled in my stench. I’ve tried for a decade to remove the aroma. I’ve cried a thousand teardrops and have crawled through the river of gloom. I have finally thrown away the key to insomnia. I have finally slept and see the reality for the first time.

Constantly disoriented

frozen whispers speak to me

A deep hunger

to be understood

An appetite

to be stirred by intimacy

No one cares

No one shows it

Efforts are fallen between

the cracks

No one hears me

No one listens

Distorted perception wakens

This is my canvas

Only a writer, a poet,

will gravitate to my words

To everyone else

I am not here

No verses can disguise

the barbwire truth

Furious on the inside

Depression settles like dust

A intact plan merges

Ignoring my needs

Methodical and analytical

Reread the chorus

Every day was an opportunity

you threw away to show me

Nothing will prepare you

for what I’m about to do….

Exchanging blows

Trouncing the integrity

Parading with clout

Testifying with a punch

Ruthless and cold

Clobbering with animosity

Losing perspective

Gaining self worth

Sitting on a Island

without a blanket of protection

Circling apathy

with loneliness on a death bed

Persecuting myself

Questioning my beliefs

Constantly defending my being

Slowly giving up to society’s views

I found you…

Unraveled and detoxing from the vibrations. I saw lies injected into your shriveled up sun. I saw you nauseas from the sight of the blood dripping from the roses. I saw a self indulging massacre spin. I walked away from your propellers. I saw the crash from a distance in slow motion. Fixated and obsessed with the numbness. I witnessed you crawling through the trenches. I saw you fight with your own scars. I saw you plead with your skeptic past. I saw you disappear into the white light.

Rumbles and roars
Stitches and fevers
Discombobulated from the tension
Flown and fierce
Vicious and beheaded
Dizzy from the winter chill
Magnificent and magnitudes
Crawling and kneeling
Distracted from the loneliness
Faceless and fears
Blown and chewed
Staggering from the bottle
Wounded and weary
Naked and depressed
Dazzled from the sleeping pills
Swallowed and sipped
Hollow and empty
Light headed from the reality
Drowning and disappearing
Exiting and numb
Waits for the prescription of loneliness

Beneath the clutter

and the discolored anxiety

the war between us continues

Engulfed by the

fractured promises

Gobbled up by the

untamed distance

Dwelling in the dusk

crawling through the

dark wild

Regurgitated phrases

of shades of love

Acknowledging the

hardened suffering

Stomaching the

patronizing goodbyes

Inhaling your desolate

and sinister perfume

Sucking and gulping

your mocking remarks

Withstanding your

arrogance and malicious core

Underneath the deceased

your stigma withers

I’m so fucking mad

About the day I had

She wasn’t glad

That I kissed Chad

I’m so freaking upset

About what I didn’t get

She was part of the bet

By Monday she will forget

I’m so undesirably distraught

About the day I lost

She was happy I got caught

My feelings can’t be bought

I’m so damn pissed

About the day I missed

She was in the A list

By the weekend I cut my wrist

Pouring down overused mentalities

Change fumbling around

Pulling four quarters to insert

in the old fashioned jukebox

Numbers exchanged between

the mentalist and the statue

Between the shot glass

and the pint of a Irish stout

Scattered observations are slurred

Tip toeing through the cigar vapors

and the barking stilettos

Polluted with aggravation’s

and lipstick smudges on the glass

Empty barstools are playing violins

Loneliness waits for no one

Be careful where you drown

your heartache and sorrows

Look up at the glaring neon sign

The Bottomless crutch

You call

yourself a friend

But you are not

One by one

Evidence is clear

Meaningless word

Slowly my contacts

are erased from

my mind that use

that word

Don’t worry

My friends are the

words that are here

before my

awakened eyes

I know where I

get the attention

that I crave

It’s from people

who don’t even know me

that see me in

a different light

I “connect” with those

that write from the soul

and the heart.

I can accept the loneliness.

I fell in love

with a broken soul

I fell in love

with her sunrise and sunset

I fell in love

with her wild animation

I fell in love

with her wick and poison

I fell in love

with her sharp blade

I fell in love

with her sensuous magic

I fell in love

with her burnt threshold

I fell in love

with her over the top style

I fell in love

with her distorted image

I fell in love

with her scrapes and bruises

I fell in love

with her brightness and mind

I fell in love

with her alluring voice

But her words destroyed me

and left me in emptiness

on Cabrillo Avenue